Not a Blog: The Virtue of Steadfastness

Not a Guest Blog: The Virtue of Steadfastness

2 Peter 1: 5-7 "For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love."

Dear Readers,

As I work my way through the virtues (and this will take awhile because there is a lot for us humans to work with, isn’t there?), I asked my mother which virtue was important to her. She stated (since I’d mentioned the ones already covered) that someone shouldn’t encourage someone else to have patience if they themselves didn’t follow through with plans. She called that integrity.

I think integrity is broader, but then again, I googled a bible verse about virtue and 2^nd Peter 1: 5-7 appeared. Steadfastness.

When we were dating....

To me, steadfastness is staying the course—very much like her example of making a promise and then keeping that promise.

So, now I’m going to put my psychologist’s hat on—how do we keep our promises?

First, I’m going to start with marriage…to me, one of the most important promises possible here on Earth (after our promise to follow Christ as spoken in our Baptism). As of now, according to the Pew Research Center, a third to forty percent of all marriages now end in divorce—which is a drop from the fifty percent a decade ago. That seems like a good thing, until we realize that the marriage rate has dropped. So, the people who do marry are more likely to stay married, but many avoid marriage.

Why?

Students in my classes have said they don’t need a piece of paper to have a committed relationship (even though people who live together are two or three times more likely to break up than those who marry). They have also said they saw what their parents went through in a divorce and they don’t want to go through the same thing. Finally, so many people stay single because dating and rejection are painful and, again, they would rather avoid pain.

Mark 10:9 “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

So, based on research (and my experience—my husband and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage in August!), how do we keep our promises?

#1.  Be careful what you promise.

              Do your research. Get to know the person. Make lists of pros and cons. Believe other people when they tell you something, or someone, isn’t a good idea—at least until you have enough time to make sure. Take time.

#2. Make sure the promise is within your abilities to keep.

              This isn’t just about marriage, but any promise—promise what you can do. Don’t promise to never eat chocolate again when you are addicted. Not without some support and help. Know thyself.

              One of the best compliments that my husband has ever given me was that he could no more see me cheating than the sun not coming up in the morning.

#3. Make keeping promises a habit.

              So why did my husband give me that compliment? Because I make keeping promises a habit, part of who I am. I don’t cheat on tests (never did). If a soda machine gives me an extra soda, I give it back to the store (had to learn this as a teenager—the guilt of keeping one has stuck with me over the years).

              When I threatened my children with consequences, I followed through. I once visited a cousin and told my children they’d lose television privileges if they didn’t stop running in the house and my aunt said they know when we don’t mean it. But I do mean it.

#4 Do the work.

Don’t feel like hugging your spouse? Don’t feel like going to the party and you promised a friend? Unless something happens you can’t prevent, keep the promise, even if it seems like a small thing.

Now, it’s your turn…how do you maintain your integrity? Did your parents teach you about such things and/or lead by example?

One final word…I have tried to teach my children by this simple phrase, “It doesn’t matter what anyone else does, you do what’s right.”